Coooocooo, you’re drunk and you’re eating chicken fingers from Gray’s Papaya again! You think no one sees, but I do! Cooocooohooo
Cooohoooo, you sound nothing like Adele when you sing in the shower, you’re making me want to cry but for all the wrong reasons, cooohooohoo.
Coooocooo, is this the hundredth time you’ve watched the Hunger Games trailer? Katniss Everdeen would never sit on the couch for this long, hooohoohooo.
Cooocooo, there is a big bump in the back of your hair but I’m just going to watch you go out in public like that at not say anything, cooo hoooohooo.
Hoocooocooo, do you know how many episodes of Downton Abbey have you watched in your bathrobe today? FOUR! Lady Mary would be so embarrassed of you, hoooo, Hooocooocooo.
Coooocoooo, I just coughed up a bit of old pizza on to your air conditioner, hooo hooo hooo.
We have an obese pigeon named Mr. Featherbottom, who enjoys nothing more than perching on our AC unit and engaging in psychological warfare with me. I’m on to your games, Featherbottom, stop judging me, you big bully!