Marni’s World: I will make sugar cookies and gingerbread men from scratch and they will be flawlessly decorated with rainbow icing, sprinkles and love.
Real World: Icing is $7 a pop? Are you serious? Am only buying two colors…I do not have time to make these puppies from scratch..vanilla extract is HOW much?? Fine, I’ll just buy the pre-made pillsbury dough…take cookies out of oven in miniature kitchen and sustain unsightly 1st degree burn on arm. Motor skills are impaired by burn, and cookies look as if they were decorated by a drunk baby.
Marni’s World: I will buy a locally sourced, free range tree from some charming woodsman and deck it in the finest, individualized ornaments. Each ornament will be filled with personal meaning that will inspire nostalgia, glee and a slight wistfulness.
Real World: We buy our tree from a bodega. It falls over. I deck it in Duane Reade ornaments and prop it against the wall. ( I love it anyway)
Marni’s World: Off to Bloomingdale’s I shall go! I’ll sip hot cocoa as I browse racks of cashmere and hum along to holiday music. I’ll sample perfumes and lotions, try on winter coats and shall take my time perusing each display till I find the exact perfect thing.
Real World: Hells Bells, there must be 10 million people in this store. It is a thousand degrees, I’m sweating…Just got pushed by an old lady, hey- just got stampeded by an entire Asian family. Where are the coats?? How many escalators have I been on? Oh god, there is no oxygen here, help! Get me out of here before I go feral! Eff this, I’m shopping online.
My rich interior life.