As it looks like the entire earth will soon be underwater in the nuclear summer of the future, I have created a handy Be Your Own Noah Checklist so that you and yours will be safe and happy come flood time.
1. Build an
2. Fill the yacht with two of the following creatures:
(remember, if you ever find dry land, you will be creating the world anew and will need things that are adorable, things you can eat and some one with whom to recreate the human race)
3. Stock the yacht with the following supplies:
-Fresh drinking water (preferably sparkling, just because the world is ending doesn’t mean we have to behave like animals)
-Little Debbie Snacks, Cheetos and other non perishable food stuffs
-Wines (both red and white)
-The complete Harry Potter series (both book and movie)
4. Learn how to swim, snorkle and big game fish
5. Learn how to prepare lobster, seabass, oysters, shrimp and octopus by enrolling in CIA classes today
6. Choose your yacht buddies. Choose them wisely. That guy who always puts on Third Eye Blind at parties? He can’t come.
7. Pack your clothes as follows:
(It will be about 100 degrees every day and everyone you know is dead. You no longer have to wear pants)
8.Create a playlist for your journey and be sure to charge your iPod, people!
Well, that’s it. Good luck and godspeed everyone.
It is November 28th and it is 60 degrees. I am very concerned.