I wish Bloody Mary worked this way.
This is a photo of a coyote in Colorado, in the midst of his daily commute. My friend Deana said it was clear from the look in his eyes, he had a stressful day ahead of him at work and asked me what he might be up to. This is what I believed his to-do list might look like.
1. Locate the Road Runner
2. Drop an Acme anvil on the Road Runner in order to destroy him
3. See small birds for 1-2 minutes after anvil inadvertently falls on him instead
4. Drink some Redbull, take a tylenol
5. Relocate and attempt to kill the Road Runner
6. Chase Road Runner off a cliff
7. Look down while running on air, fall down into canyon
8. Shout profanities
9. Clock out, grab a beer on the train platform, commute back home
10. Go online, email Usain Bolt, see if he will agree to be new intern
Apparently coyotes are moving into cities like NYU students in August. I’m cool with it as long as they doesn’t mean rent hikes or that the line at Trader Joe’s will get any longer than it already is.
Read the real article here.
Ideas for Halloween Costumes
1. Khaleesi from Game of Thrones
2. Flavia De Luce from The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie
3. Lil’ Sebastian from Parks and Recreation
4. Walter White from Breaking Bad
5. Jess from The New Girl
6. Marni from GIRLS
7. Ira Glass from This American Life
8. A Piece of Pizza
9. Pinterest Trends
10.Trampire (aka Kristen Stewart)
The Small Difficulties With Those Ideas
1. I am not blonde, I do not own three dragons, and it is not acceptable for me to be naked and covered in ash in October. In July, maybe. In October? Definitely not.
2. No one knows who that is. Oh Chicken Fizz!
3. I’m not a miniature horse. I’m not even a small horse. I’m not even a horse at all!
4. Although I really would enjoy a costume where I can have baggies of blue rock candy, it is too cold for tightie whites and the shaved head could present a problem.
5. It would be no different than me on a normal day. I guess just more voluminous bangs. Is more voluminous bangs a costume?
6. A girl named Marni who is struggling to make it in an arts related field in NYC? Too much of a stretch
7. Can talking in a nasally voice be thought of as a costume?
8. Claire is already being that!
9. Holding all those mason jars would be cumbersome, and figuring out how to dye my hair ombre pink and then do a fishtail braid is way beyond my skill level.
10. Too scary!
If this whole advertising/girl detective/ mermaid astronaut career path I’m on doesn’t work out, I’m going to open a savory pie shop. Here are the top ten names I’ve come up with just in case:
1. Hugs and Quiches
2. Beauty and the Quiche
3. The Quiche Niche
5. Queen of Tarts
6. To Quiche Her Own
7. Marni’s Glorified Omelet with Crust Emporium
8. James & The Giant Quiche
9. Life’s a Quiche
10. Catcher in the Pie
Made a quiche for dinner last night. Had a lot of time to think while it was cooking. Maybe too much time, it burnt a little bit. But hey, that’s just how the pie crust crumbles.
My three favorite yoga poses are child’s pose, low cobra, and the best pose ever: corpse pose. These are my favorite because they are by far the most physically challenging and spiritually rewarding physical manifestions of my aligned chakras.
They are my favorite because they most resemble lying down.