1. The Environment: Perhaps after Hogwarts sent roughly one thousand letters to The Cupboard Under the Stairs, No. 4 Privet Drive, the Cottage by the Sea, etc. they realized they were well on their way to completely destroying the Forbidden Forest and stopped production of Hogwarts Letters.
2. Pigeon on Owl Violence: It’s quite possible that my handsome Hogwarts owl was attacked by a vindictive New York City bird and was thus prevented from reaching its destination. At the moment of publication, Mr. Featherbottom is my prime suspect.
3. El Nino: It could be that a rogue wind caused by strange, seasonal weather patterns blew my owl irrevocably off course.
4. An Administrative Error: Having a hyphen in my name means things are constantly getting misfiled as apparently a double last name is far too confusing for most to wrap their brains around. I’m sure wizards are just as befuddled as Muggles as whether to put me under K or H.
5. Acceptance to Another Institution: Maybe when I was accepted to a fine institution of higher learning, Hogwarts thought I was spoken for and ceased trying to contact me. I wish they had simply inquired further about the matter because I’m sure Cornell would have been fully onboard with a semester abroad at Hogwarts.
Today is the birthday of both J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter. Take some time to celebrate such magical individuals with a stiff drink of butterbeer, a nice chocolate frog, and perhaps try hexing a co-worker for a bit of sport!