Dana:Hagrid is looking a little small in that photo Marni: yeah…he is Marni: he had to fit Dana: I understand Dana: Same thing happened to me, I had to ask him to crouch down real low so my mom could get the shot
I will be able to see the Village Halloween Parade from my apartment! How lovely that will be, just coming home from a long day of work and being cheered by the revelry and festive good cheer that one can only truly experience in a city such as New York.
What. the. eff. Did it really take me 30 minutes to exit the subway? I just want to go home. Who are all these people? Please someone let me go home. I am getting the people’s elbow from Wednesday Addams..Oh god, I will never get out of the subway. Never. I WILL DIE HERE. Did that woman in the clown outfit just vomit next me? Yes, yes she did. Oh thank god, I’m out of the subway, should be a cinch from here…
Oh but wait, what fresh hell is this? Am I in Dante’s inferno, or worse…Times Square on New Year’s Eve? Excuse me sir, your extended family’s version of 101 Dalmatians is charming, I’m sure, but please get out of the way. Excuse me, miss? sir? I’m sorry I don’t know what you are, but you are in my way.
No, officer, I live here. No really, here is some mail with my name on it and my keys. No, really officer, I live here. Please let me go. OFFICER, ARE YOU EVEN A REAL COP? Oh you are? Okay, but really, I live here.
Ah, at last, in my apartment. Sure, I can hear Thriller through the walls, but that’s okay. I just want to sit on my couch and…eat.
Oh eff, I have no food. But I can’t go back there! I can’t go back into the melee of human flesh. OH GOD, THIS IS THE SCARIEST HALLOWEEN EVER.
Marni: You guys should just get tons of candy and watch scary movies Marni: …and by scary, I mean Hocus Pocus Nick: YES and Are You Afraid of the Dark? Nick: and one of the Republican debates Nick: spoookyyyy
“For her I changed pebbles into diamonds, shoes into mirrors, I changed glass into water, I gave her wings and pulled birds from her ears and in her pockets she found the feathers, I asked a pear to become a pineapple, a pineapple to become a lightbulb, a lightbulb to become the moon, and the moon to become a coin I flipped for her love…”—― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love
Marni was born in the year of the rabbit, which explains not only her extreme cuteness, but also her penchant for hip hop and magic tricks. The youngest person ever to time travel, she succeeded in changing the course of history so that mankind would not be ruled by robots. For her efforts, she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Her subsequent book, “My Pet Dinosaur; How I Saved the Human Race.” was later awarded a Pulitzer Prize and turned into a major motion picture by Pixar Studios. Despite the fame, Marni is extremely gracious and will always allow up and coming young designers to outfit her in their latest creations. She currently resides on a private island in the South of France which is accessible only by dolphin, but often comes to the mainland to enjoy a pineapple gelato and manicure.
No, that’s all true…I mean, I do love a pineapple gelato!
Christina: What if someone like casually stepped up behind you, and just watched as you made a portrait of yourself flying a unicorn to saturn? Marni: They’d be like there’s marni.. Marni: ..drawing a unicorn Marni: ..in space Marni: ..AGAIN.
Hey there, New York! Today’s forecast calls for highs in the low seventies to lows in the high fifties. Strong chance of thunderstorms this afternoon, tapering off to a windy downpour for the rest of the evening.
Due to this severe weather, we are putting all of mid to lower Manhattan on a HIGH SNUGGIE ALERT. Folks, please try to stay indoors with flannel and avoid going out in to the world at all costs. Just gather your loved ones and get your snuggle on. We will be here with updates as the story continues.
And for how the High Snuggie Alert shut down has created a ripple effect of good moods as everyone stays home, here’s Barb with the story.
Real World: It’s chilly and rainy. Why am out in the world when I should be under the covers? This is so wrong.
Miss Marnoncye (M) agrees to perform 10-12 songs of her choosing at the Bowery Ballroom if the following conditions are met:
1. One barrel of cheez-balls, one large bowl of Sour Patch Kids™, one gallon of Stumptown Ice Coffee, and one cheese plate with 3-4 assorted cheeses from Murray’s Cheese must be present in the green room.
2. Green room must be furnished with one 100% cashmere snuggie in an agreeable color, one flat screen TV equipped with the full season of Parks & Recreation, and one pair of cashmere slippers lined with mink.
3. A licensed masseuse must be on hand at all times
4. Jake Gyllenhall must be present and reading out loud from his choice of Harry Potter books 30 minutes before and after the performance
5. Manicure, pedicure, hair, makeup and wardrobe must all be provided for (M) before and after the performance. Only NARS, Essie, Bumble & Bumble products may be used, and all wardrobe choices must be cleared by Anna Wintour beforehand.
I would like to act like a diva and have it be socially acceptable. What kind of dance moves do I have to learn for this to be reality?
Places I would like to live- 1. Hogwarts 2. Hundred Acre Wood 3.Stars Hollow 4. Where the Wild Things Are 5. Neverland 6. Wonderland 7. Atlantis 8. Giant Peach 9. Sesame Street 10. Kings Landing
Places, where for some reason, there are no real estate listings. Um hello, why are there no resources for those of us who would like a nice 1BR with a view of Hogsmeade? Or something in walking distance of Luke’s Diner?
Make way for Prince Ali Say hey! It’s Prince Ali Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar Hey you! Let us through! It’s a bright new star! Oh Come! Be the first on your block to meet his eye! There’s no question this Ali’s alluring Never ordinary, never boring Everything about the man just plain impresses He’s a winner, he’s a whiz, a wonder! He’s about to pull my heart asunder! And I absolutely love the way he dresses! Make way for prince Ali!
Claire: $20 for 6 beers, and BYOfood:) Claire : the BYOF got me Marni: BYOF is so intriguing Marni: So I could bring like a bag of cheetos.. to a bar Marni: and everyone would be like, oh totally normal? Marni: DREAM COME TRUE
Dear Bed, I’m sorry for leaving you that way this morning. I hope you know I didn’t want to go. The night we spent together was magic, your sweet embrace was a dream come true. But fate is a cruel mistress and I had to leave. My daytime obligations tore us asunder, and turned our happy romance into that of star-crossed lovers. But fret not, dear beddykins, for I think only of you. And soon, when the sun goes down, we shall be reunited once more. Love always, Marni
Rufus is very excited for autumn. Autumn has some of his favorite things; plaid, sweaters, cider, cider doughnuts and butternut squash soup and most importantly, hot toddys. (Rufus would like me to add hot teddys too)
Here are some songs to get you and yours ready for fall.
Hello and Welcome to the Willamsburg Recreational Soccer League!
Before we dive in, there are a few important things to know:
Uniforms: We will be wearing American Apparel 50/50 Deep V Tees in XXS. Please do your best to find a tee bought before 2005 so it will have indie cred. Wire frame glasses are also mandatory to protect your eyes from flying objects and overrated street art. In lieu of protective head ware, one can choose from an Adidas sweatband or a jaunty fedora.
Team Spirit: Not cool. Please behave like you are over this. Remember, you used to like soccer a lot more before it went mainstream.
Team Name: Please cast your vote for team name. Right now we are choosing between a)The Brave Little Toasters b)The Mustacheketeers and c)Saved by the Ball
Field: We will be playing on 100% organic, locally sourced wheat grass, on a roof, of an abandoned monocle factory.
Refreshments: We will rotate on who brings the snack each week. Please be sure all snack choices are vegan, gluten free, dairy free, locavore, and handmade. Following games, we will have PBR toast.
Well, that’s it for now. See you Tuesday.
My friend is joining a Willamsburg soccer league. Couldn’t resist an opportunity to mock from my couch.
One minute after yoga- I am so zen. I’m at one with the world and all is fine. Oh hello little rat rustling through garbage, how are you this evening? Don’t you know that we are all made of stardust? You didn’t? Well now you do! I hope you use all your senses to fully enjoy the bounty of the trash can and to acknowledge all the devine forces that brought that fortuitous chicken nugget to you this evening. What an absolutely beautiful, perfect moment. I will go buy a smoothie and revel in the infinite wisdom of the universe.
Five minutes after yoga- Okay, seriously sir, I asked for PINEAPPLE and strawberry, and this is MANGO and strawberry! What the hell is wrong with you? SIX dollars? For this fruit mush? Are you INSANE? Credit card minumum? You cannot be serious, you can not honestly be serious right now, sir. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CITY? I HATE EVERYONE.
“No unloving words were ever spoken, and everything was held up as another small piece of proof that it can be this way, it doesn’t have to be that way; if there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, and we will give it heavy walls, and we will furnish it with soft red interiors, from the inside out, and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweler’s felt so that we should never hear it.”—Everything is Illuminated
Ingredients: 1 Fitted Jersey Sheet 1 Top Jersey Sheet 4-4 Pillows (Soft) 1-2 Down Comforters
Layer ingredients to your choosing, with pillows ergonomically placed by one’s head, between one’s knees and in the little spoon grabbing position. Then curl up in the fetal position and roll, making sure to have the grip of death on all blanket layers. Make final adjustments, including giving oneself a breathing hole.
I just don’t understand why I haven’t won any awards for my blanket engineering feats. I mean, I literally do these things in my sleep. Shouldn’t that be impressive to someone besides myself?
9:37am @CoffeeMCHN Morning tweeps, the best part of waking up is some barely palatable coffee in your cup! #Fauxlgers 9:40am @CoffeeMCHN Oh boohoo, you burned yourself. What did you think I was an ice coffee machine? 9:41am: @CoffeeMCHN RT if you agree #CautionThisBeverageMachineisExtremelyHot 10:05am @CoffeeMCHN Do you know what blue tie man? I bet you’ve never even tasted poop! How can you accurately say thats what the cafe mocha option tastes like?? Do your research man! 10:08am @CoffeeMCHN …I wish I was an ice coffee machine, maybe then I’d finally get respect 10:15am @CoffeeMCHN Hey @H20Cooler did you just burp?
The coffee machine at work sounds like it is signing on to AOL when it brews a cup. I think it just being dramatic
In the long shadow of summer, there lies a night where the veil between the dead and the living is lifted. Skeletons rise from the dark and dance to the dizzying beat of the dance macabre with mere mortals. Sparkling jewels, and the finest robes are splayed out for the taking, and in the resulting crush, souls are torn asunder, lost for breath, fingers still clutched ‘round their ill gotten gains.
Tis not night for the light hearted, for those pure of soul. But for those willing to take the chance to spy a living skeleton, to find reduced fares on shiny baubles and gilded things, it is there, just once a year.
Marni: I saw a mouse on the sidewalk by my apt yesterday Claire : NOO Claire: Marni nooo Marni: It was teeny tiny Marni: and outside Marni: it was an outdoor mouse Marni: and it had a teeny tiny pair of chuck taylors on and a teeny little striped sweater. He said his name was Stuart Little and that he was on his way to volunteer!
I find personification makes everything less scary. Oh whats that, Mr. Tarantula? Your mustache won a prize at the State Fair? How wonderful!
There is a six part documentary series, narrated by Morgan Freeman, with a soundtrack by Passion Pit, all about space. It features lots of wide angle shots, dreamy time lapses and every once in a while, it will cut to Ryan Gosling snuggling a baby panda. They will play in a continuous loop on an HD channel which offers many free warm chocolate chip cookie giveaway contests.