I Got to Thinking
Adelaide: I think you need to find a job as a columnist Marni: I would be like Carrie Bradshaw..She always says “I got to thinking” Marni: Like…”I got to thinking, I was doing a juice cleanse, but maybe what I needed was a soul cleanse.” Marni: “My hair was hopelessly tangled, just like my lies.” Marni: “My mascara was running, but was I...
I Should Be a Screen Writer
Marni: The 1840’s was just like the Jersey Shore… little known fact Vanessa: Another movie script waiting to happen Marni: Whiggin’ Out …is what I would title my 1840’s party film Marni: Where a young Jebediah Smith thinks that by throwing the most epic barn raising imaginable, he’ll be able to woo the mayor’s daughter, Miss Lorena Hart …But will her...
Marni’s World: Coooocooo, you look really fat in that skirt, coooocooo, your thighs look like sausages, hoo hooo hooo. Coooocooo, good luck trying to make that quiche with an inch of counter space, you silly bitch, hooohoohooo. Cooocooo, you spilled coffee everywhere, cooocooo, that stain will never come out, you’ve ruined that throw pillow forever, cooo hoooohooo. Hoocooocooo, I...
Marni’s World: Things I Believe Should Be Incorporated into the Modern Workplace: 1. Nap Time: 30 minutes where we turn the harsh fluorescent lights off, lie down on the floor and take a snooze would be the B.E.S.T. In Spain, they call this a siesta and it’s practically the law. Considering the Spanish invented Paella, I’m pretty sure they know what they’re doing here....
Marni’s World: I am a lady and a lady thinks before she speaks. When she does speak, she does so in an eloquent manner befitting her station. Real World: Things I have said today: “I think he is a genetic mutation.” “Room temperature yogurt is the least sexy thing I’ve ever heard.” “She is an asshole and they’re all dead to me!”...
Marni’s World: When I, Princess Marni, deign to take the fairest mode of transportation, the subway, it is a most transcendent experience. Gliding down the mahogany staircase, I lift my skirts just a tad so as not to brush them on the fine oriental carpets that line the steps. The string quartet in the corner brings their song into a crescendo as I hand my ticket stub to the tuxedo’d...
Marni’s World: I am under water and it is cold. Very cold. Beyond-the-Wall cold. Polar bear plunge cold. No seriously, is this water directly imported from the Arctic Circle? That is the only explanation for how cold this water is, it’s just inhumane! Okay, well now it’s not that bad. Kind of nice and refreshing. Oh, just got a little warmer, how perfect. One might even say...
This one goes out to Akil. Marni’s World: It had come down to the final seconds, and just like that, it was finished. Fans poured into the field to celebrate and confetti rained down from the sky. “Yes!” I shouted, “Thank God, Yes!!” Outside, revelers took to the streets of Manhattan with shouts of joy and pride as the Empire State Building bathed the city in the...