And now for a very special guest post from my lady love, Claire o’ Clock. Claire’s World: On Saturday, while sipping expensive drinks bought for me by eligible bachelors at the Surf Lodge, I spot Sam Talbot from Top Chef. We make eye contact, I wink, he hesitates then quickly approaches my table. I throw my hair over my shoulder and smile. ‘I couldn’t help but notice you here, I’m sorry...
Marni’s World: When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin. Real World: Woke up in Manhattan after four days feasting in the Hamptons. Ugggh.
Life was pleasant among the Larrabees, for this was as close to heaven as one...– Sabrina
I went to two cocktail parties [in East Hampton] to stop the gossip about my...– Little Edie
Marni’s World: Real World: But seriously, it’s really warm in here. Can we get some AC up in this piece?
I need a dolla'
Marni’s World: With five dollars in their pockets and a song in their hearts, Marni and Rufus, the bear cub with alcoholic tendencies, set out into the warm Manhattan night. Feeling daring, they headed into a nightclub marked only with a flickering neon light. Amidst the pounding bass and dim lighting,they bumped into Katy Perry. She was so taken with Rufus and his rugged good looks that...
Marni’s World: Due to the Rapture being tomorrow and all, I figured the proverbial rainy day I’ve been saving up for has finally come. So I made a few small purchases: -Brunch at the Plaza: $123.85 (for purpose of needing energy for the day. And mimosas) -Eloise “Pink” Suite at the Plaza (for purposes of jumping the bed): $995 -Cashmere onesie from Pringle of Scotland:...
Marni’s World: St Germain-Prosecco Cocktail, 0 Calories Vitamin A: 100% Vitamin B: 100% Protein: 3g Vitamin D: 150% Carbohydrates: 0g Total Fat: 0mg Calcium: 75% Iron: 100% Dinner of champions! Real World: See above. Will believe this is true and accept nothing else as fact.
Dana : I dont think anyone has ever asked the question.. what’s the fastest way to get from Oklahoma to Amagansett? Marni: hahah Marni: You may be the first Marni: I’d do hamptons airport and then do taxi Dana: Answer: by boat Marni: answer: apparate Dana : answer: grow up in london so you can be invited to hogwarts Marni: best answer
Real World: 12:00: Order tickets on Fandango.com 2:15: Attempt to take 6 train to 33rd Street 2:25: Learn that this particular 6 train is going to 42nd Street, then 14th 2:30: Get on new 6 train to 33rd Street 2:40 Arrive at movie theater, stand in line for 10 minutes to print out tickets 2:50 Learn that although I have tickets, movie is “sold out” and I cannot go in 2:51: Profanities 3:00: After...
Marni’s World: I implore you, CHUMS, don’t be intimidated by my verbose, mental lexicon, my infinite cultural knowledge, my way with BON MOTS and idioms. I am still just like you. Simply a shrewder, wittier version. So toast me with ALE, slather your burned EGOS with ALOE and embrace that EERIE suspicion that I am a PRO. Real World: Completed the LA Time’s Crossword puzzle. Go...
Marni’s World: Dear Amnesty International, I am writing to file a report against a torture chamber in Midtown East. For it harbors a sadistic terrorist hell bent on destroying everything good and pure in her path. She will take your evening, your confidence and your will to live and leave you with a nightmare of pain and anguish. I am survivor of this unspeakable torture, for today I was...
Marni’s World: To determine my personal peak work out conditions, I developed a two part plan. Part one involved waking up this morning at 7am to excercise in the morning. Part two involved working out tomorrow at 6pm. I would then compare and contrast to determine whether morning calisthenics or afternoon isometrics were more my style. Real World: Slept in till 8:15 am and did not go to...
Real World: A female peacock is currently roaming the Bronx, having freed itself from the Bronx Zoo only a few weeks after fellow zoo occupant Mia the cobra escaped. Marni’s World: This is fully confirming my suspicions that Madagascar was based on a true story. Possibly Shawshank Redemption as well. (Or Shawsnake! Ah I’m hilarious!)
Real World: Claire: It’s just so annoying to move Marni: The worst! Marni: It always makes me wish I had a shrink ray Claire: Shrink ray? Marni: Yeah, to like shrink all my stuff down, put it in my pocket and bring it to the new place where I unshrink it Claire: Haha, thats a new one Marni: Really?! I thought everyone wished that Marni’s World: Shrink Rays > UHauls
Great thing about NYC #67
“I will just have the cheese plate and a Stella please.” “Good choice, madam.” [Location: Less than 100 feet from my apartment]
Marni’s World: The temptation of Christ is detailed in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. According to these texts„ Jesus fasted for forty days and nights in the desert. During this time, the devil appeared to Jesus and tempted him. Real World: Someone just put three trays of Dishes sandwiches, kettle chips and potato salad right next to my desk. None of these things are...
Marni’s World: Jeffy: [reading Quinn’s poem] The greasy fry / It cannot lie / Its truth is written / On your thighs. Joey: Wow. That’s amazing. Jamie: Genius. Quinn: I know. [Daria and Jane overhear the commotion] Daria: Hold it, I think I feel a poem coming on. [belches] Daria: Sorry, false alarm. Real World: Marni and John at a fashion book party.
Marni’s World: FAQ— Q: Marni, is it difficult being so hilarious, beautiful, intelligent, and kind? A: It is my cross to bear Q: Marni, what is your greatest weakness? A: I work too hard Real World: This is my 101st post. Want to ask me something?
Real World: I’m no stand up comedian or expert mathematician, but after hearing this joke: Q: Why did the right triangle go swimming? A: It was 90 degrees …I decided to make up a few of my own: Q: Why did the regular triangle go swimming? A: Because it looked acute in its bathing suit Q: Where did the triangle get lost? A: Bermuda Q: Why did the triangle get lost? A: He was a bit...
Marni’s World: It lurks under the crust of the earth, hot, wet and filled with unfortunate souls. The foulest stenches rise off the filthy floor and assault your senses. Throngs of ogres push, shove and yell, trampling weaklings under their considerable bulk. Escape! Escape! But families of demons block your every turn! Oh yes, traveling Virgil, you have reached the inner circle of hell. Real...