April 2011
20 posts
Menu
Marni’s World:
We’ll start with a rustic bruschetta, composed of organic heirloom tomatoes and basil grown in my backyard on artisanal ciabatta.
Then we’ll enjoy a charming little salad with warm herbed brebie cheese, lardons and homemade lemon vinaigrette. A glass of cold pinot grigio will be on hand, of course.
For the main course, cedar planked wild salmon, grilled...
Award
Marni’s World:
“For feats of willpower and mental strength, we award Marni the Legion of Honour.” And with that, Nicolas Sarkozy pins the medal to my lapel. Carla Bruni winks at me. “Oh merci, merci!” I gush, my eyes welling up with pride. “And, we, the Order of the British Empire, knight her, Lady Marni of Little Whinging.” “Thank you, Your...
Rootin' Tootin'
Marni’s World:
“Dis heah copy room ain’t big enuff foh the both ‘a us, Mahnay.”
“Well, padnuh, whachoo gunno do ‘bout it?”
“Imma challenge you to a duel, heah at hah noon.”
“Why you yellow bellied, lily livered, chikin hearted snake, I assept yo’ challenge.”
And boys and girls, thas how Mahnay got her reputayshun as...
Techy
Marni’s World:
“What is that, Eugene?” asked Gabe, rubbing his glasses on his Star Trek shirt.
“Why, why, I think it might be..a girl.”
“Wow. In real life. Imagine that.” sighed Gabe as he nervously smoothed his shoulder length hair.
“Do you think she can shoot cannons out of her boobs? Or lasers out of her eyes?”
“Most...
Olsen Dreams
Marni: I will need lots of La Perla because I’ll be looking like MK Olsen Princess Stephanie: Obvi and we already know the Olsens are big La Perla fans. Marni: Wow, I wonder if they will see us and be like “OMG, we didn’t know we were secretly quadruplets!” Princess Stephanie: Probably and then they will feel terrible about missing out on the first 23 years of our lives and...
“I hope your belly is soothed by a magic bear with honey paws”
– Claire M.
Cover Letter
Marni’s World:
To Whom it May Concern:
Imagine the ultimate predator; the Great White shark; moving silently and lethally through the ocean, attacking with precision, leaving a blood bath in its wake.
That shark is me, John ”Danger” Smith.
Private equity challenges are the baby seals that I eat for breakfast. I have sharpened my rigorous anyaltical skills like so many serated...
Rachel
Marni’s World:
It’s the middle of the night in this rural Pennsylvania town, and the only light comes from the stars above. Slowly, I creep towards the darkened house.
When we get to the door, Humprhey the bunny flattens his rib cage and squeezes underneath. I hear the lock click and the door swings open. “We’re in!” he says into his headset, and Dale the Chimp...
Buzz
Marni’s World:
Gingerly, very gingerly, they emerged from their cocoons, blinking in the bright sunlight. The winter had been long and dark and they had thought this day would never come. A warm breeze unfurled their brightly colored wings and shook the dust away onto the air. And then, happily, they began to buzz. To the untrained ear, it sounded a lot like they were humming to the tune of...
Sunday
Real World:
About to go on a walk around Central Park with my favorite plaid-a-pus, John.
Marni’s World:
Once at the park, John asks me what love is. Then this happens:
No boys allowed
Marni’s World:
As I lay on my back on the soft ground, I look up at the clouds. They look like they’re made of the fluffiest down.
Rufus, the bear cub with alcoholic tendancies snuggles up to me and hands me a hot cocoa with a dash of Bailey’s.
I take a sip. “Oh you silly bear, this is Bailey’s with a dash of hot cocoa!”
He giggles, shrugs guility and opens...
Nailed it
Marni’s World:
Popped out of work today for a quick mani. Going for a distressed look.
Real World:
Chipping all my nail polish off due to stress.
Fresca?
Marni’s World:
Rocking on the front porch swing, drinking sweet tea and watching the fireflies bumble around the tall grass. The sun has just set behind the hills, but the summer breeze is still warm on my skin.
Just as I idly start to wonder how this could get any better, I see my vampire boyfriend, Bill Compton walking up the dirt path to my door.
Real World:
Neko Case radio on Pandora makes...
Eye Ai Ai
Marni’s World:
Doing a really sexy, smoky eye today. All half closed and come hither. Everyone I passed this morning was like “Who’s that girl?”
And I’d sing back “La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Marni’s that girl!”
Real World: Accidentally slept in my contacts. Ow.
Fools
Marni’s World: Oh man, I got these guys so, so, so good.
I came into work and like the Grinch on Christmas Eve, I got to work. I incased everything they had on their desk in jello. I jammed their drawers so they’d only open an inch. I wrapped their chairs up in wrapping paper and changed their computer’s language to Korean. Then I posted an ad on craigslist saying I was giving away Lady Gaga...
