February 2011
36 posts
Weigh In
Marni’s World:
“Hello,” I nervously look in to the camera, “My name is Marni and I hope you will consider helping me on my weight loss journey. You see, at one point in my life, I was thirteen years old and about 90 pounds. Since then, I have really let myself go. I discovered alcohol and, and, and..”
“There, there,” says Jillian Micheals, patting me on...
poliknish asked: Every time there's a new Marni's World on my dash, my day is made. <3 I wish I had a bear cub friend named Rufus with alcoholic tendencies!
Change
Marni’s World:
Painted my nails Essie “Clambake” red. Changing my nail polish, well, it changed my life.
Real World:
I am taking baby steps.
Rubeus
Marni’s World:
I had a dream last night that I was in the new Harry Potter movie. Actually, it was a pretty juicy role: Rubeus Hagrid, gamekeeper. I had to wear stilts the whole time which I struggled with, but I overcame the challenge and managed to deliver a really solid performance. The whole time I kept thinking to myself “This is the best thing that could have ever happened to...
Anonymous asked: have you ever thought everything bagels should be called everywhere bagels?
Anonymous asked: Why not contact some magazines, newspapers, syndications on line................... you are hilarious! Hit the pavement girl, you are too good to be sitting on this!
Fringe Benefits
Real World:
I am toying with the idea of getting bangs again. But I must remind myself that this decision will result in the following:
-Having to straighten them every day -Not wanting to straighten them most days -Doing interesting things with bobby pins to avoid straightening them -Having hair in my eyes -Thinking I look great only to look in the mirror and see that bangs have revolted and...
Sing-a-Long
Marni’s World:
I have the suspicion that everyone else in the world is breaking into choreographed musical numbers on the regular. They must be doing it whenever I’m out of ear shot.
The grocery store checkout guy was probably doing a fantastic Joni Mitchell before I got in line, and I’m pretty sure I saw some jazz hands on the subway car one over from mine. Those sneaks!
Why...
Anonymous asked: When did you start this? How many fans are reading you daily? Have you sent this to any local papers? This could be your next career!
Eye of the Tiger
Marni’s World:
I step on the scale and look down. The number is disappointing and I make an adorable, scrunched up face in the mirror. I hear music in the background, and suddenly I am transported into an Adidas store. I blink and I’m jauntily stepping out the door, shopping bags in hand. I turn the corner and find myself sprinting on an elliptical machine. Just as I wipe the sweat...
506mulberry asked: I would PAY for your blog. Delightful!
Love Boat
Marni’s World:
We are sitting in a boat made of pasta, on fluffy Ricotta cushions. We float down the tomato river and watch the Parmesan flakes play in the current. The strains of That’s Amore softly play in the background. I sing along “When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore!”
Dean Martin chimes in “When the stars...
Valentine's Day
Marni’s World:
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you!
Real World:
Boyfriend is in Baltimore, I am in New York City, I’ll be spending the night with a puppy, I guess that’s not too shitty.
Coconut Cove
Marni’s World:
I am on a beautiful island wearing a large hat and drinking bottomless margaritas. I also have dolphin best friends and a mermaid tail.
Real World:
In other news, I’ll be in Puerto Rico for the next few days, livin’ the dream. Enjoy these tunes and pretend you’re me.
Career Path
Marni’s World:
My list of potential careers:
-Socialite
-Host of my own cooking show Microwavin’ with Marni
-Astronaut
-Host of my own reality show Biggest Loser; Fashion Industry Edition
-Geisha (then author, will publish memoirs)
-Prima Ballerina
-Alcoholic (then author, will publish memoirs)
-International Jet Setter
-Wizard
Real World:
Why aren’t any of these...
Micey Sidewalk
Teresa: In fact as I was walking in the snow today I thought of all kinds of Marniworld things
Me: Ooh like what?
Teresa: Well when they shovel the sidewalks, they basically build little tunnels on either side of the street and because I’m so short I can’t see over them. And I was pretending to be a mouse in a maze with delightful warm brie waiting for me at the end
witherwhetherwonder asked: Marni, I only just discovered your site like 2 minutes ago and now it's my very most favorite thing ever :) Thank you! Your posts made my day.
“I mean, your blog presents the real-life manifestations of manufactured...”
– V. Kitzie
Margs
Marni’s World:
Spring has sprung! Around me the birds are singing Beach Boys tunes and the flowers are blooming like mad. The snow banks have been replaced by rolling fields of daffodils and small bunnies are falling in love all over the freaking place.
I look down and my frump-a-dump flannel outfit has been replaced by a lovely gingham frock. In my once mittened hands, I now hold a...
PYT
Marni’s World: The closet gods have been smiling down on me. I’ve got a high waisted skirt topped with a sparkle sweater reminiscent of Vuitton. I’ve got some Philip Lim moccasin wedges. I’ve got my funky bracelets and my bright clutch. Looookin’ good, feelin’ even better. Real World: I walk out of my room. My brother Devin says “What the hell are you...
Treasures
Marni’s World:
Though time has not been kind to this place, it was once incredibly sacred to those who inhabited it. Carefully, I sift through the debris. Dust flutters in the sunbeams and all is silent.
I gingerly lift something up from the floor and hold it up against the light.
“Interesting, this looks as if it were a vessel to hold some sort of fermented juice. Possibly for...
Rx
Real World: Doctor says I have the flu and need antibiotics. Marni’s World: “This is interesting,” says the doctor, pacing back and forth. “Very unique indeed.” “What is it, doc?” I ask, drawing my paper gown tight around me. “Will I be okay?” “Well, it looks as if it’s a spider bite, but it’s not exhibiting the normal...
Magic
Real World:
New Jersey Transit back to Manhattan.
Marni’s World:
“All aboard!” shouts the conductor and grabbing my trunk, I hop on. I walk through the corridor until I come to the fourth compartment on the left.
I slide open the door and am greeted by the familiar faces of my very best friends.
“Chocolate Frog?” asks Ron. “I think this one is Nicholas...
Groundhog's Day
Marni’s World:
“Listen up, weasel, if you ever want to see Mrs.Puxatawney and the little hogs again, you’ll do what I say.”
“How did you get in here?” He asks, eyes darting around wildly around the burrow. “What have you done with them?”
“They’re safe…for now. One wrong move out there and they’ll be spending the rest of...
Synthetics and Modern Life
“I’m having that weird feeling that I rarely get…Sympathy.”
“Things must be bad if you are feeling sympathetic: .”
“However, I am using a snuggie at the moment. Perhaps it has injected temporary warmth into my soul and it’s not true, raw sympathy?”
R&R
Marni’s World:
Sorry darlings, I’ve been slow on the updates as I don’t have any service out here on the yacht. But rest assured, I’m using SPF 30 and eating lots of lobster. Will report back once we dock in Nice. Note to self: N’oublie pas d’avoir un petit cafe avec Karl.
Real World:
Have the flu. Seen irresponsible amounts of daytime TV. Staring to want to tease my hair and slap everyone....
