I will be able to see the Village Halloween Parade from my apartment! How lovely that will be, just coming home from a long day of work and being cheered by the revelry and festive good cheer that one can only truly experience in a city such as New York.
What. the. eff. Did it really take me 30 minutes to exit the subway? I just want to go home. Who are all these people? Please someone let me go home. I am getting the people’s elbow from Wednesday Addams..Oh god, I will never get out of the subway. Never. I WILL DIE HERE. Did that woman in the clown outfit just vomit next me? Yes, yes she did. Oh thank god, I’m out of the subway, should be a cinch from here…
Oh but wait, what fresh hell is this? Am I in Dante’s inferno, or worse…Times Square on New Year’s Eve? Excuse me sir, your extended family’s version of 101 Dalmatians is charming, I’m sure, but please get out of the way. Excuse me, miss? sir? I’m sorry I don’t know what you are, but you are in my way.
No, officer, I live here. No really, here is some mail with my name on it and my keys. No, really officer, I live here. Please let me go. OFFICER, ARE YOU EVEN A REAL COP? Oh you are? Okay, but really, I live here.
Ah, at last, in my apartment. Sure, I can hear Thriller through the walls, but that’s okay. I just want to sit on my couch and…eat.
Oh eff, I have no food. But I can’t go back there! I can’t go back into the melee of human flesh. OH GOD, THIS IS THE SCARIEST HALLOWEEN EVER.