January 2011
13 posts
True Love
Marni’s World:
Once, over a dinner of guacamole and Dos Equis, the mystery man behind To My Wife (http://tomywife.tumblr.com/) leaned forward and said…
“Marni, listen, you know the blog? Well, there’s something I’ve meaning to tell you. It’s, well, it’s about you.”
Real World:
Then the Dos Equis came out of my nose as we laughed and laughed.
Urban Foraging
Real World:
Open the pantry. Moths fly out. See one box of penne pasta, one bag of coconut flakes and some peanut butter. There is nothing to eat. Open fridge. See one bottle of siracha sauce, a dried up lime and a small wedge of butter. Go back to panty. Expect there to be a new treasure that I somehow missed before. Same old stuff. Go back to fridge. Nothing new. Repeat about 10x before I...
Puddle
Real World:
Step out on the corner. Place boot on what seems to be a thin sheet of ice over asphalt. Am greeted with a shock of freezing slush water as my boot plunges down to the very depths of the earth. Eff.
Marni’s World:
Step out on the corner. Place boot on what seems to be a thin sheet of ice over asphalt. The ground beneath me gives away and I tumble down, down, down.
When I...
Sister, Sister
Real World:
Oprah Winfrey promised to reveal a big family secret today on her show, and the Queen of All Media did not disappoint: According to the Associated Press, Oprah introduced her heretofore-unknown half-sister, Patricia. The talk-show host explained that her mother, Vernita Lee, had kept her pregnancy a secret and had given Patricia up for adoption when Oprah was nine years old. A DNA...
Job Hunt
Real World:
Shining up the old resume. Trying to make shitty jobs look incredibly important and awesome.
Marni’s World:
I am Ashley Olsen. I’ve never had to write a cover letter in my whole life.
Just another Monday
Marni’s World: What a day. Ran a mile. Whipped up some homemade blueberry muffins. Did yoga. Read The New Yorker. Touched base with the Dutch Ambassador on my plans for new flower arrangements for the Met. We’re thinking plumeria in a big way, people. Had a quick phone call with Gwen Paltrow. Poor dear wanted me to pen a few G.O.O.P articles for her last minute, so I wrote a guide on...
Style
Real World: There is some sort of birds nest perched atop my head.
Marni’s World:
“Excuse me, miss? May I take your photo? That top knot of yours is just so of the moment.”
“You flatter me, Scott, darling, you really do.”
“Jay : Well, it’s “dog eat dog world.”
Gloria: That...”
Lunch
Real World:
I think there are some crackers in the pantry? No? Eff. Will starve.
Marni’s World:
I hear a bark. Then the pitter-patter of very large paws. Into my living room trots an enormous Saint Bernard. Around its neck is a big, red thermos.
“For me?”
He puts his big, fluffy head on my lap, and I unbuckle the thermos from his collar. I twist off the lid and am greeted...
Cinema Verite
Real World:
New York is 8 degrees. The apartment feels like -4. I’m watching Paris on the Sundance Channel from underneath four blankets and a camo snuggie. It’s too cold to go outside, so I might order chinese. Glam-o-ram.
Marni’s World:
“Bonjour, Monsieur!” I say to my neighborhood Fromagier.”I’ll take the racelette, s’il vous plait!”...
Saturday Morning
Real World:
I woke up this morning at 7 am feeling like death itself. Though it is a Saturday, I had to go to work. I contemplated faking my own death, but finally got out of bed. I waited for about twenty minutes on the freezing subway platform, with no company save something looked suspiciously like a body under a blanket. It is cold, early, and I hate the world.
Marni’s...
