Marni's World

1. Pizza

2. Chicken Nuggets

3. Dumplings

4. Grilled Cheese

5. Pickles

6. Meatballs

7. Cheetos

8. M&Ms

9. Ice Cream

10. Wine

Marni’s World:

1. Is coffee a juice? No? Are you sure? Isn’t it like, the juice of a coffee bean?

2. What about wine? It’s just the juice of a grape which has gone bad, right?

3. Just passed by a platter of free Chinese food at the office. Contented myself by just smelling it and felt proud. Then started wondering if sweet and sour sauce counts as a juice.

4. Apparently nothing counts as a juice except the juices I’ve been provided with. What sorcery is this?

5. Does being really healthy make you really mean? Unsure as I’m feeling healthy, but have started throwing office supplies at my deskmate.

6. To be fair, he ate an entire baguette sandwich right in front of me. That was rude.

7. Have started singing little songs about juice to get myself psyched up. Songs include, but are not limited to: Juice Train (to Cat Steven’s Peace Train), Juicy Juicy Juicy Rockin’ Everywhere, and 525,600 Juices (from RENT)

8. Deskmate has started throwing things back at me, to be fair, I am singing about juice.

9.Went on Pinterest and immediately had to shut it down after I started pawing at the screen over a picture of tomato soup served in a sourdough bread bowl with a Parmesan crust.

10. Is tomato soup served in a sourdough bread bowl with a Parmesan crust a juice?

Real World:

I am on the last leg of a three day juice cleanse. Though all the toxins are being flushed from my body, I fear a bit of my sanity may have slipped out as well.

Coworker: So I have this blog about clouds and what they really mean. It’s supposed to be funny, like this cloud is what it’s like to be a stamp in a world where everyone emails…

Marni: Oh my god, that is JUST like the Joni Mitchell song “Both Sides Now” where she originally thinks clouds are fairy castles and scoops of ice cream. But then she realizes, no, clouds SUCK. Like they just rain on you and ruin EVERYTHING! And then she thinks, y’know what? That’s exactly like LOVE which also seems nice but then goes ahead ruins everything!!

Coworker: Um, okay…(starts slowly backing away)

casualnewyork:

Bye bye little pony.

Marni’s World:

It was a gorgeously sunny afternoon when I met John Jannuzzi at Milk & Cookies, a petite bakery nestled deep in the West Village. He was stuffing his elegant face with an ice cream sandwich, one hand gripped tight around the frozen treat, the other on his iPhone. “Hhkjsdvmc,”he said, with a mouthful of mint ice cream, “I just want to tweet this.”

“Do you mind if I record this conversation?” I asked.

“No, but it seems unnecessary as I’ll be live tweeting this entire conversation. Or at least any funny things you may say.”

I feel immediately pressured to be hilarious, and find myself inexplicably talking in my Little Edie voice, a voice I use for special occasions and yachting events. “So, Jahhn dahhling, tell me about fasshuuun, about the blogs. What does it take to be a stah of social mediar?”

“Well first thing you must know is that all gingers are witches. Second thing is that I’ve got to go. BeBe is sending me to Nevada for an elite blogging/hunting trip and a car is picking me up. Good bye and good luck.”

As he disappeared out in to streets of New York, I was left with so many questions. I still hadn’t discovered the secret to the mysteries that had been keeping me up at night. Who was John Jannuzzi? Was someone at BeBe going to give him a gun? And why, oh why, were all gingers witches?

But as John always says, “If you have to ask, you’ll never know.” And perhaps that was enough.

Real World:

My friend John is like super famous now and on a magazine cover, and because I have the inside scoop on what makes John tick, I thought I’d write a celebrity profile.